In Shanghai, Searching for Those in Search of Connection

Sometimes the most rewarding stories to tell are the ones you don’t set out to find.

That’s how I felt about my recent article on lonely seniors in Shanghai looking for love.

As the Shanghai bureau chief for The New York Times, I often write about how many young people in China are skipping marriage — a trend that has sent parents and the government into a panic. It is still uncommon for unmarried people to have children in China, which means fewer grandchildren for the anxious and aging, and a demographic crisis for the government.

I wanted to hear from wannabe grandparents who visit People’s Park in Shanghai every weekend. Like Central Park in New York, the leafy public space is a hub of social activity. It is also home to China’s best known “marriage market,” a place where parents come with résumés of their unmarried adult children, hoping to find them a match.

The parents broadcast the personal details of their kids’ height and weight. They boast of attributes such as high I.Q. levels and test scores. Occasionally, they let slip a gripe, such as how their kid “doesn’t call home enough.”

On a Sunday in March, I visited People’s Park with Li You, a news researcher for The Times. Li and I spent hours talking to parents. Some had clearly not told their children about the visits to the marriage market. Others seemed to admit, on some level, that their efforts were futile.

But as with a lot of reporting that involves sensitive matters of family and the heart, many people were reluctant to give us their names for our article. (It seemed as if some parents really didn’t want their children to find out about their matchmaking efforts.) We eventually gave up and headed toward the gates of the park.