Harvard-trained psychologist: 9 phrases people in healthy, thriving relationships don’t say

In functional romantic relationships, it's psychologically healthy to feel a deep sense of belonging and attachment. However, becoming overly reliant on another person to feel whole, healed and secure is not only harmful to our wellbeing — it can damage relationships over time. 

This behavior is often referred to in mental health circles as codependency. People in codependent relationships develop a strong, unhealthy devotion to their partner, often at the expense of their own needs, because their identity revolves around taking care of and gaining approval from the other person. 

As a Harvard-trained psychologist who frequently works with clients with relationship issues, I have found that healthy relationships of all kinds require trust, vulnerability, and some degree of interdependence, rather than codependence. 

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At its core, interdependence is an understanding that relationships are a collaboration. Hallmarks of interdependence are mutual support, shared decision making, healthy boundaries and honoring each other's individuality.

Here are 9 phrases healthy, thriving and interdependent couples don't say: 

People who are codependent in relationships often try to hide, ignore or deny their own internal experiences, focusing all their energy on being there for the other person.

This self-sacrificing behavior is often part of an unconscious attempt to get a measure of control over a situation. But we all have needs.

The interdependent goal is that the needs, desires, dreams and wants of both partners are honored, supported and appreciated — and no one asks the other to give too much of themselves.

Codependency is ultimately a need to maintain a relationship at all