Hard truths about growing up Chinese and female in Malaysia

I may have been nine or 10 years old when I first heard Australian singer Helen Reddy’s I Am Woman. I didn’t know it would become an anthem for the women’s movement, but the words stirred me.

Even decades later, a tingle goes up my spine when the lyrics float through my mind: “I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman...” The boldness of proclaiming the superpowers of my gender had never occurred to me as a girl growing up in Malaysia.

But as if on cue, there came a dose of reality around this time, courtesy of my mother. This was a woman who dispensed advice and guidance sparingly; she wasn’t much of a conversationalist with her children, and her communication was largely around household operations and tasks.

So it was surprising when one day Mum asked me and my two sisters to gather for a chat. She got right to the point. “Girls,” she said. “I want to tell you something – you have two strikes against you. You are female and Chinese. You will have to try harder.”

At first, what she said seemed so obvious – we were born female and Chinese, no kidding. What I had not considered up to that point was that these two qualities could be framed as negatives, as conditions to be overcome.

To this day, I don’t know what triggered this motivational moment. She didn’t take any questions, nor entertain comments. I suspect she didn’t offer any life guidance to my two brothers. Nor do I remember exactly what the three of us girls said or did afterwards. We certainly didn’t discuss Mum’s words, and perhaps each of us took that lesson away to ponder individually.