Breaking free of patriarchal moulds: A daughter’s journey

March 25, 2024

DHAKA – I was chatting with a friend over tea. Somehow, the conversation took a turn to our mothers—how their kind of strict parenting moulded us, and how we struggled to liberate ourselves from their archetype upbringing.

The way I see it, perhaps our mothers knew no better. They had savage expectations from us and if we did not conform to their views of how a proper deshi girl should be—subservient and selfless—we stood no chance.

From an early age, we were taught to educate ourselves, learn to keep the house, not go to parties unchaperoned, be an epitome of perfection to her circle of friends, and, God forbid, never fall in love with a man who cannot provide for us! We had to be the woman their mothers taught them to be.

This teaching of patriarchal values has been going on for generations. Our mothers, when they were daughters themselves, were programmed by our grandmothers to be submissive, and they imparted that “survival tactic” in us. They earnestly believed that to endure in a man’s world, one needed to abide by their rules. Of course, mothers were backing male chauvinism while making us puppets of their bigotry.

Both my friend and I had patriarchal mothers. They were dominating figures and hardly gave us a chance to voice our frustrations. They made sure to crush our voices because they could not relate to the reason for our rebellions.

Subconsciously and unconsciously, our mothers imparted misogynistic values in us. We were raised to do the thankless job of a deshi wife and mother; our emotional needs were never a point of concern. They prepared us to raise a family, cook rice, make tea, take care of the children and the in-laws, etc. At the same time, they wanted us to educate ourselves and to